Dichotomy

I am sad. It's over a girl. Nothing new really. I have gone through this plenty of times. The details don't really matter. I think the realization that I made today does.

I am not lacking for women that are interested in me. I don't say this proudly, but I know that I have made some women feel the way that I am feeling right now.

When I was younger. I used to get mad in situations like this. I would play the role of "the victim". The woman some evil villain that used my heart as a plaything for her own sick and deranged purposes. I can't honestly feel that way now. Sure, there is a part of me that wants to cry and scream. There is a part of me that wants to call her and demand answers and explanations.

I already know the answer. There are none. At least nothing significant. Sure she could have been more honest, but that really doesn't change anything. Her dishonesty only delayed what I am feeling.

I keep telling myself, that she did me a favor. The girl that I fell for wouldn't do this to me, yet she did it, so she is clearly not the person that I fell for.

I just feel lonely. I have friends. I have women that want my affection. I lack a companion. A partner. I really want a partner.